many stars to award a movie such as Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus?
It's a hugely entertaining movie ? but for all the wrong reasons, a classic
case of "so bad it's actually good."
Most people will simply hate it, but if
you're the Mystery Science Theater 3000 type
who enjoys bad movies then you probably won't see a ?better? movie this
whole year. Heck, we actually liked it better than
Transformers 2. For starters, it's a lot
shorter . . .
Where to begin? A half-assed science experiment by the
U.S. government involving some stock footage of a helicopter and sonics
defrosts two giant prehistoric sea creatures namely (you guessed it) a
humungous shark and a giant octopus, both of which have been frozen in the
ice for a gazillion years. Normally being frozen in ice for millions of
years means that you have been probably dead for millions of years, but not
in movies like this.
The two creatures are still alive and soon they start
gobbling up whatever they find including oil tankers, a chunk out of the
Golden Gate Bridge and a commercial airliner.
Yup, you read right. Our favorite scene in the movie
comes in at about 16:34 running time when the giant shark jumps (flies?)
about 33 000 ft into the air to nab a 747 that is flying above the clouds
and brings it crashing down into the ocean below.
Frankly this was the funniest scene that we have seen in
any movie for quite a while and had us chuckling aloud for a long time
afterwards. It also gives the term "jumping the shark" brand new meaning . .
. ("Holy shit!" a passenger exclaims when he sees the shark flying right at
the airplane. )
On hand to witness the two sea creatures escaping their
icy grave is Emma MacNeil, a scientist taking a mini-sub that belongs to her
employers on a joyride. Emma is played by 'Eighties teenage pop star Debbie
Gibson (she is listed in the credits as Deborah).
Gibson's character may listen to Bach and quote
Shakespeare extensively, but she still comes across as a mixture between a
giddy schoolgirl and ditzy airhead: the type of person you'd meet at your
twentieth class reunion who haven't caught on yet that her glory days as
Prom Queen is long gone . . .
How to prevent sharkzilla and the octopus (does octopi
squirt ink like the one here does? no matter . . .) from owing the seas and
single-handedly bringing commercial flight to a standstill? Especially when
the U.S. navy is so curiously inept at destroying them? Easy, lure them to
the same place using pheromones and have them duke it out. After all, they
are apparently natural enemies as Deborah Gibson's character informs us.
Will the pheromone trick work? Sure. As one character
remarks, "Those guys have been frozen in ice for millions of years. Wouldn't
you be a little horny?" (Another priceless philosophical gem from the movie:
"Don't love the ocean too much, it doesn't love you back.")
Also along for the ride is B-movie king Lorenzo Lamas,
another case of never-been. That Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus has
been produced by The Asylum should come as no surprise. (The Asylum
specializes in so-called "mockbusters," made-for-DVD movies that are
designed to lure unwary movie punters into renting cheap knock-offs with
misleading titles such as The Transmorphers, Allan Quatermain and the
Temple of Skulls, 18 Year Old Virgin. Snakes on a Train and The
Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus is seriously cheap
with the sort of stodgy CG that makes one miss the rubber shark from Jaws
3-D, bad acting, hilariously rotten and clichéd dialogue and nonsensical
plot. It has definitely earned its place in B-movie heaven and not just
because of its title . . .
WORTH IT? Recommended for connoisseurs of bad
RECOMMENDATION: Buy beer - lots of it! - and then
get some good buddies over and have a blast watching Mega Shark vs. Giant