Movie:
Disc:
There's
something inherently distasteful about product as overtly corporate as
Race to Witch Mountain. Everything about it
smacks of bloodless calculation; no shred of imagination or originality
escapes. From its base concept yanked wholesale from a less-than-stellar
original to the deathly dull effects made all the more boring by their
resolute competence, it betrays its factory-produced origins utterly and
completely.
The producers assembled it solely with the intention of attracting the
broadest possible demographic, twisting the story and characters to fit
into its preconceived sausage packaging. The fact that it still proved to
be a modest success makes its miserable quality all the more depressing.
If the film has anything close to a trump card, it would
be star Dwayne Johnson, who remains an engaging presence despite the
mediocrity surrounding him. He plays an amiable Las Vegas cabbie who
inadvertently gives a lift to a pair of kids from outer space. Said kids
are fleeing sinister government forces, who have housed their ship in the
titular mountain base. They're also being pursued by an alien bounty
hunter for some reason, which mainly justifies a lot of gratuitous effects
shots and lets The Rock look put upon when things start blowing up around
him.
Frankly, if the director were a real bungler, the whole
thing might be more interesting. Inept movies constitute a special joy all
their own, if only to let people point and laugh at them. Witch Mountain
is just… dull: workmanlike in its presentation, dutifully committed to
formula, and too timid even to screw up once in awhile, if only to show us
something different.
Granted, its stalwart adherence to the game plan may
not matter to its chosen audience. The action is colorful but harmless and
while the two kids (played by AnnaSophia Robb and Alexander Ludwig) are
limited to robotic exposition, they retain enough appeal for undemanding
tots to identify with them. Johnson proves a good sport, as always, and
his onscreen charisma once again suggests that he belongs in better
projects.
But for those of us who have graduated the fifth grade,
Witch Mountain proves too lazy to justify any level of respect. Its
complications, its villains, even its throwaway references to the first
film, all smack of tired cliché borne by countless cinematic mediocrities
since time immemorial. Family films seem particularly vulnerable to such
tactics; parents apparently don't care if a movie is soulless and
creatively bankrupt, just so long as it's bright and upbeat. They need to
demand better, especially from a company as concerned with "wholesome"
filmmaking as Disney. Avoiding this brazenly calculated cash grab is good
way to start.
THE DISCS: For a Blu-Ray release, the disc is
surprisingly watered down. Disney has adopted an admirable policy of
including DVD versions of their film in the Blu-Ray packages, letting
people build up a collection before they actually buy the player. Witch
Mountain also includes a digital download copy for computers/iPhones,
some deleted scenes and a sparse documentary covering the various in-jokes
in the film. Beyond that, the cupboard is empty… suggesting that even the
people in charge struggled to generate sufficient enthusiasm for the
project.
WORTH IT? Not unless you're desperate. Witch
Mountain satisfies the basic necessities for family-friendly
entertainment, but with superior kids' films like
Coraline sitting right next to it on the
shelf, it's not like you don't have better options.
RECOMMENDATION: I suppose in twenty years,
today's kids who watch it will feel the same sense of forgiving nostalgia
that Gen Xers apply towards the original Witch Mountain. Of course
by then, Blu-Ray will be hopelessly obsolete and they'll just download the
films directly into our brains, so there's no reason to invest in such
backwater technology now.
- Rob Vaux
