MARS NEEDS WOMEN
1968, 80 Minutes, Directed by: Larry Buchanan
With a title such as Mars Needs Women
you'd think that some kind of post-modernist tongue-in-cheek fun might be at
Alas, this not the case at all.
Made for extremely cheap (you can see every cent not spent by the
film-makers), Mars Needs Women is interspersed with lots (and I do mean lots!) of grainy stock footage - mostly of American Air Force jets intermittently
flying around, refueling, taking off, landing, etc. and a seemingly never-ending
ball game, replete with drum majorettes and marching band.
At a running time of less than an hour and a half, you wouldn't expect the film to be slow-moving. But it is. Incredibly so to the point of
excruciating boredom. Add to this some of the worst acting, special effects (the Martian spaceship
appears to be a cooking pot lid!) and dialogue imaginable then you have a serious contender for the title of the "worst movie ever made" despite the best efforts of one
Some movies are so bad they're good. Some movies, like Mars Needs Women,
are so bad that they tear apart the very fabric of existence and threaten to
send your doomed soul to a wretched dimension where time has no meaning!
Bit like Maths class at school on a Friday afternoon . . .
(The movie's plot? It's really about Martians landing on Earth to kidnap some women to replenish their numbers back on their home planet.
Earth Girls Are Easy it would seem . . . What have I learned while watching it? That Martians have stopped wearing neckties
several decades ago . . . )