What
does the box office disappointment of Watchmen mean for these two planned
comic book adaptation movies that seems destined to offend religious
groups?
TITLE: THE MAGDALENA
WHEN’S IT DUE? 2010
WHO’S STARRING IN IT? The very hot Jenna Dewan
(probably best known as Nora in the 2006 flick Step Up) and Luke
Goss, who played villain Prince Nuada in
Hellboy 2: The Golden Army.
WHO’S MAKING IT? Platinum Studios chairman Scott
Mitchell Rosenberg and Gale Anne Hurd and her Valhalla Motion Pictures.
Ryuhei Kitamura (Midnight Meat Train) is set to direct.
SO IT’S A COMIC? Yup, one published by Top Cow
Productions, a partner studio of Image Comics (Witchblade). But
Magdalena doesn’t have her own on-going series so you’ll have to
settle for a trade paperback collection.
WHAT’S IT ABOUT THEN? The Magdalena is a
skimpily-dressed superheroine (see pic) who is in fact a direct descendent
of the Biblical Mary Magdalena. Each generation has its own Magdalena and she is
trained by the Knights of Malta to be a superpowered hitman (or is that
hitwoman?) for the Catholic Church, which sends her on missions to fight
demons, vampires and heretic best-selling authors such as Dan Brown and
Richard Dawkins. Er, just kidding about
the last one . . .
WHO WILL IT OFFEND? Catholics mostly. In the
Magdalena comics the Catholic Church comes across more like the Mafia
than anything else. That is, if the mafia had sexy Buffy-like
warriors in hot outfits working for them, that is.
BUT WILL IT REALLY OFFEND THEM? To be
honest The Magdalena is so far-fetched that it is doubtful whether
anyone will really be offended. At one point the Magdalena actually
battles Hitler himself for possession of the Spear of Destiny! It’s all
very comic book stuff even though it does go on a lot about the Crusades a
bit like, um, Dan Brown. But that’s one thousand years ago and we’ve moved
on, right? Actually The Magdalena makes the Church looks a lot
cooler than it is. Super sexy assassins in leather? Who could have thought
it?
NEVER MIND RELIGIOUS SENSIBILITIES, ARE THE COMICS
ANY GOOD? It’s all very Witchblade, with loads bare skin (but
no outright nudity) on display. Not particularly deep or interesting to be
honest . . . and it does go on about the Crusades a lot you know. Typical
Image Comics art work though, very professional looking.
AND THE MOVIE? It can only be bad. For some
reason we can’t stop thinking of BloodRayne here! But we’re hoping
for so bad it’s good here. Let’s hope they keep the whupping Hitler’s ass
bit! Female superheroines just haven’t been quite working
out at the box office to be honest (Catwoman,
Aeon Flux, etc.)
USELESS FACT: Producer Gale Anne Hurd was
married to director James Cameron and produced
Terminator and Aliens. Her most recent
movies include The Incredible Hulk,
Punisher: War Zone and, um, Aeon Flux . . .
Next: "Think a
superhero Lord of the Rings, but with Bollywood visual iconography set in
the far future . . . "
